if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
