escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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