dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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