I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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