Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
