I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
