Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
