wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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