So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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