Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
