I need help removing her.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
