sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
we made out on top of his cat.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
