I only kidnapped one of them. chill
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
