Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I said "one day" and that day is not today
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
