To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
