So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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