My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
