i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
