you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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