I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
