I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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