In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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