the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So. Much. Porn.
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