I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
