my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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