I'm passing your future prison.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
