The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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