It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
