Betty ford says i'm here all night
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
