youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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