I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
