Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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