Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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