You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
