When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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