I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
