I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
