he told me I talked like a deaf person
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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