he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
