I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
