It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
