I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
