I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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