Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
