I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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