My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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