Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
