i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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