Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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