She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
