all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
